i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
