the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
