she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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