you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
