Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
