I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
