just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I touched a dick in church today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
