I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
