so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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