She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
