You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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