hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
