You work out of a Hotel?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
