I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
