I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
