either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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