But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
