she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
one might say we're banned from that church
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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