I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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