Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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