i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
