Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
