Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
