you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
