She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
