he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
