i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were trust falling into bushes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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