I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
