um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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