Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
