there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
