Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
