we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
