dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone came in the potted fern
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
