It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
