Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
