he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
