Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
