I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
