oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
