i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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