My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
