Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
