i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
