when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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