He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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