Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
