I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just googled if crying burns calories
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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