hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize