At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
