just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
