You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize