New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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