the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
