My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
