he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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