but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
