the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize