you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize