I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
