as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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