I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
