Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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