First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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