jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I AM VODKA MAN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
