Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
