He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
