I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
