True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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